Freud may be totally retro, but when it comes to wine buying his psychosexual theories rule. Why do people buy wine? To drink it, you say? Sure, most of us pick up a bottle at the supermarket or wine shop to have with dinner, but what about people who pay $1400 a bottle for Screaming Eagle or have 10,000 bottles of wine in their cellars. Are these people buying wine just to drink it? Do they actually drink it? So according to the dead white man, drinking wine is an oral activity, not very much sublimated from milk and the breast. Without a doubt, drinking wine provides oral gratification which is probably why so many of us like to drink it, apart from the taste and nuanced flavors, of course. Then there are those of us who have moved beyond the oral stage and feel a compulsion to retain bottles and save them up. We are the collectors! Complete verticals, complete horizontals, all the wine of a particular region. Keeping track of vintages and wineries of our particular area like baseball scores or opera divas. Why drink it, when you can just enjoy looking at your collection. Then there are the phallic types among us who are into displaying their power and prestige. Look at my Opus One, my Silver Oak, my Cheval Blanc. My collection is bigger than yours! My Screaming Eagle costs more than your Shafer Hillside Select! My bottles are bigger than yours! My wines cost more than yours! I have more Chateau Petrus. My eighteenth century First Growth is from the Thomas Jefferson Collection and cost $100,000. Oops! Gotcha! It's a fake! Fooled ya! With Sotheby's help, or was it Christie's, I put one over on you. Now you want to sue me. Maybe it's best to just grab a bottle from the supermarket shelf for less than $15 and enjoy it with dinner.