Guy Noir Tastes Pinot

So I'm sitting here in the cafe in Lake Wobegon, thinking about the last doll I took out, or rather how she took me. It's depressing, so I turned to my other love - Pinot Noir!
"Hey, Guy, why didn't you tell me your last name was Noir."
"Listen Pinot, I have enough trouble as it is. "
"Yeah, you do! I hear you've been dating Merlot lately. Didn't you see that movie, "Sideways"? You can always drown your sorrows with me baby."
"Merlot really went for that Cab guy. She kinda led me on, then she drops me for King Cab."
"Don't worry honey, you can take your fill of me!"
"Mmm, your my only Pinot. The only Pinot I've ever really enjoyed. Those French Pinots are such sour pusses, they never turn me on and those California bombshells are so in-your-face."
"I came all the way from Oregon just for you baby. I am HWP, perfectly balanced with delicious fruit and a great aftertaste. Here I am in Lake Wobegon where all the women drink wine and all the wines are above average."